I bought a swag today! I'm a bit excited. I needed something to offset the bad coffee experiences I've been having.

Shall I tell you about them?

Firstly, I should explain that I'm back in Alice again after a rather challenging week last week at the end of which I lost the plot. Details not required but suffice it to say I've been banished to the big smoke for a debriefing before heading straight back into the battle zone. Although after the last couple of days, I'm not sure which is more traumatic........Gotta look at the funny side. I arrived in Alice on Thursday night and am staying until Easter Sunday. On Friday morning I went into the restaurant to have some breakfast before work. (I'm borrowing some office space while I'm here). Breakfast is included in the room charge which my employer picks up, but I always order a latte and pay for it separately. On the morning in question, I requested said latte which arrived looking rather like a Melbourne day in Winter. Pale and miserable. I knew, I just KNEW before that first sip that it was going to be ugly but I gave it the benefit the doubt. In I plunged. Just as I'd thought. It was depressing. I couldn't even taste the coffee and I'm sorry but I just can't stand bad coffee so when I got half way through it (I tried ALRIGHT!) I had to ask for another one just a little bit stronger.All good UNTIL, the following morning, when time came again to order my latte. Fearing a repeat of yesterday, the waiter, who for the purpose of this update we'll call BOB with a KN, bought me a latte with a 3 inch head of froth on it. I'm not joking the damn froth covered half the glass. Of course I couldn't let it pass so I asked him (ie:Bob with a KN - knob) if he would kindly put some more milk in it for me. He took it away and returned with a full glass of coffee. Good colour, perfect. Or so I thought. The damn thing was cold. I know what you're thinking, it wasn't my fault. It was cold I swear. I swear!! I think I might have even laughed out loud to myself. I even considered just shutting up and drinking it, but again I feel I have an obligation to the coffee drinking public to make a stand SO I picked up the glass, walked over to KNOB, handed him the glass and said "Thank you for the coffee, but It's cold. Don't worry about bringing another one, it's fine", at which point he silently took the glass away while I returned to my table contemplating how far I'd have to stick my leg out to trip him over. Now comes the punch line.....He walked up to my table to kindly inform me that he's no coffee maker (NO SHIT?) and that one of the girls would bring me a coffee in a moment. Thank you, I replied at which point he leant over and said "You're from Melbourne aren't you"? Of course you can only imagine how I took that so I thought I'll stuff him and I replied "I'm from K, at which point he looked at me with a tilted head and raised eyebrows. I said "OK I'm not from but that's where I live" to which he finally replied "Yeah but before that you came from Melbourne right?" So I conclude that it's not my fault I'm so......so fond of my coffee. If a whole damn state can get it right why can't one knob in the Alice Springs casino for gods sake.
After breakfast I took up a pozzy poolside, until such a time as I slipped into the pool - with my portable phone nestled between my breasts. It was brought to my attention when it started vibrating uncontrollably. Suffice it to say I think it was heamorraging, so I promptly placed it on the side of the pool and kept swimming. I figured if I stayed in the pool no one would see me crying with rage. I hold that knob in the restaurnat solely responsible. Incidentally I haven't ordered a coffee since. I do however have a new portable phone, though that was no easy feat either.